Read this when you’re strong, but tired too.
I get tired too. No, actually I’ve been really tired for so long already, but I feel like I have to keep being strong for the people around me. I have reached the point to where I’m no longer sure of what I’m feeling. I felt like a stranger in my own body.
I just wanted to walk away. I wanted to escape this little world I’ve built. I’ve been wanting to be invisible since people don’t see my pain anyway. What they see or maybe what they choose to see is nothing but the strong person that I portray.
I’m always just a ring away. I’m always there for those who need me. People confide in me that no matter how drained I am, I make sure not to let them down. I carry their loads, too. I feel like they trust me enough to be their person, and I just can’t disappoint.
Maybe I made life look so calm to the point where it looked so easy for me to handle other people’s baggage too. But I am also human. No matter how bold I look, I needed some rest too. I need someone to lean on. That’s when I realized that I have no one.
It suddenly hit me; I wasn’t ready for this. I cried myself to sleep. I can’t even eat. I just feel so weak.
It’s exhausting. I didn’t realize that always being the bigger person can be this exhausting. I guess I’ve been so strong and tired for so long at the same time that I didn’t even think of breaking apart. This is more than a broken heart.
I have no one else to turn to.
I slowly distance and detach myself from people to protect my peace while I still can. I have to accept that sometimes all I have is myself, and that should be enough.
